Boys & Sex: Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent, and Navigating the New Masculinity

In this chapter—"I Know I'm a Good Guy, But…"—Orenstein focuses on sexual ethics, particularly around affirmative consent. While most of her interview subjects generally consider themselves to be "good guys," many also reveal a low standard of ethics when it comes to consent. As Orenstein writes, some of her interview subjects "were less motivated by sensuality or personal ethics or the fundamentals of human decency than by a desire to avoid getting in trouble" (169). In other words, many see consent as a barrier, the metaphorical "caution tape" when approaching a sexual situation.

Furthermore, alcohol is often involved in the events leading up to a hookup. Therefore, "young (and not so young) men are even more likely to overestimate female sexual interest" (172). Judgment is impaired, which inhibits communication. Yet, despite all of these relatively common complicating factors, many still believe that only "monsters" are capable of perpetrating sexual assault. However, as Orenstein argues, "the truth is, a really good guy can do a really bad thing" (173). When we categorize people as "good," "bad," or "monsters" we focus on generalizations instead of understanding a person's actions. Orenstein reveals that many of the "good guys" she spoke to had admitted to doing things without consent, such as pushing a girl's head down for oral sex or recording and sharing an explicit video of a sexual encounter through social media.