Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

Chapter 10 begins with an acknowledgement of the amount of information presented in the previous chapters. During a crucial conversation, things are “unpredictable and fast-moving” and it may be difficult to keep all the principles straight (179).

The content is simplified by first highlighting the two techniques that people have found most useful in crucial conversations. The first is to learn to observe. Being able to dual-process and observe dialogue as it unfolds allows people to start to see conflict unfolding and take steps to counteract it. It also gets people away from trying to “win” the conversation and instead work to make the dialogue free-flowing. The second technique is to create a safe environment. “There are many things you can do to increase safety” (181), and often, people intuitively pick a good way to do that in their specific context.

A large part of Chapter 10 is devoted to diagrams and tables that detail the steps that need to be taken to start, maintain, and end a crucial conversation in a healthy and effective way. These charts show the flow of good dialogue as follows.

“Start with Heart”: Decide what the real priority is and make sure communication reflects that priority.