Everything Happens for a Reason: And Other Lies I've Loved

Everything Happens for a Reason: And Other Lies I’ve Loved (2018) is Kate Bowler’s memoir of the events surrounding her diagnosis with Stage IV colorectal cancer. The title comes from an expression used by many adherents of the prosperity gospel, a set of theological beliefs centered on the idea that God interacts individually with believers, showering blessings upon those who grow in their faith while withholding abundance from those whose faith is lacking. Prior to her diagnosis, Bowler published Blessed (2013), her historical examination of the prosperity gospel. She describes the prosperity gospel as shallow and illogical.

As she walks through a year of experimental treatments intended to prolong her life, Bowler deals practically and emotionally with the prosperity beliefs she had written about intellectually and theologically. She finds the strength to endure her struggle with the help of friends and family, as well as the lessons she learned about shared suffering from a Mennonite congregation in her native Manitoba, Canada. The book remained on The New York Times bestseller list for five weeks.

This guide uses the 2019 Random House paperback version of the book.

Content Warning: Throughout the book there are many references to end-stage cancer as well as end-of-life stories.

Summary

In her preface, Bowler defines the prosperity gospel and describes her extensive study of these religious beliefs and practices. She also talks about her experiences as a young person with a Mennonite congregation in Manitoba, Canada, where she grew up. Throughout the memoir, Bowler contrasts the theology and practices of prosperity believers to those of the Mennonites, an Anabaptist Christian denomination.

Chapter 1 opens with the description of a doctor telling her that the excruciating pain she has suffered for three months might or might not be her gallbladder. Tired of receiving no definitive diagnosis, Bowler insists the doctor authorize a CT scan of her abdomen. Sitting in her office following the test, Bowler receives a phone call from a staff person in the doctor’s office telling her that she has Stage IV colorectal cancer and must report to the hospital immediately for surgery.

In a response that turns out to be typical, Bowler quickly calls her husband, parents, and several close friends to relate what is happening before going to the hospital. Quickly, her husband and many of her friends come to see her while she waits to go to surgery. Bowler makes note of the universal theological questions that occur to individuals who receive cancer diagnoses and describes the perspective of prosperity theology on such questions.

Bowler notes that the failure to properly diagnose and promptly treat an illness is not a new experience for her. While working on her doctoral dissertation, she loses strength in both arms. The prosperity believers she has been studying try to heal her and wonder what spiritual flaw in her prevents her from receiving the healing God wants to give her. Equally at a loss are the 36 different physicians who cannot determine the correct physical reason for her weakness. Later in the process, Bowler decides to have surgery to remove two ribs in an effort to correct the problem. She is in a hospital about to have the surgery when nurses stop the procedure; they administer a pregnancy test, which shows that Bowler is pregnant—something she and her husband, Toban, have long been working toward. That evening, she miscarries.

Bowler discusses occasions when prosperity theology is not helpful. She describes going with a friend to a magic show in which the props failed and the magic did not happen as promised. She likens this to the fruitless attempts of her prosperity gospel friends, who cannot pray her to wholeness when her arms are weak. After the aborted operation attempt, Bowler describes hearing of a physical therapist who deals with such issues. The treatments restore the strength to her arms. This is the beginning of a series of positive events in Bowler’s life. Prosperity friends tell her that she has turned a corner and can expect abundant blessings.

She details the frustration she and Toban feel at not conceiving a child, noting that her experiences with fertility doctors are similar to her experiences with other physicians who have offered no real help in diagnosing or treating her physical problems. She resists feeling resentful when she observes those around her achieving their hearts’ desires, though she remains unable to conceive. Finally, she conceives but worries that the three tests she took—all positive—might be incorrect. After a difficult pregnancy and 37 hours of labor ending in a caesarian section, Bowler and Toban welcome their son, Zach, into the world, something she says completely renews her life.

While waiting for her cancer surgery to begin, Bowler describes her interactions with friends who have come to see her in the hospital. She reflects on the many occasions when doctors could not find the physical reason for her abdominal pain and sent her home. She remembers the Mennonite community she interacted with in Manitoba, recognizing how supportive they would be if she were with them.

Once at home, two weeks after the surgery, Bowler watches her in-laws and husband working around the house while she recuperates. Unable to carry her son, she begins to write letters to Zach. She reflects on how prosperity believers react to unexpected tragedy: When a middle-aged pastor of a prosperity megachurch dies, a special message is included in the funeral bulletin to deal with what seems to be a failure of the man’s faith.

Bowler describes other prosperity adherents’ responses to unforeseen tragedy. She notes that she is now in the position of surrendering and accepting the inevitability of death because every physician refers to her condition as terminal and her treatment as palliative. Prosperity believers cannot surrender, she says, for such a decision appears to be tantamount to admitting one is not faithful enough to persuade divine intervention. She describes her experiences with painful injections of palliative chemotherapy that might extend her life.

The approach of Advent reminds Bowler of the joyous Christmas seasons she experienced in Canada. This will be her first Christmas away from Manitoba.

Bowler learns of a new colon cancer drug trial set to take place in Atlanta at Emory University. She sends her blood sample there to see if she might be in the small percentage of patients eligible for the experimental treatment. When she learns she has the “magic cancer” eligible for the trial, Bowler and Toban begin to feel hope for the first time since her diagnosis. She engages two colleagues to contact officials at Emory seeking financial help to pay for the trials. Bowler travels with her father to Atlanta and goes through more tests. She learns that she is a successful candidate and will undergo the treatments.

As she enters the trials, Bowler begins to write extensively. She pens an article about the prosperity gospels’ inability to offer her comfort in the face of her illness and sends it to The New York Times. Millions read the article, and Bowler receives a massive volume of responses. She notes that negative responses to her essay fall into three distinct categories: the Minimizers, who want to say her terminal illness is really no big deal; the Teachers, who expect her to experience an epiphany; and the Solution People, prosperity believers who want to figure out why she is not letting herself be healed. Bowler also receives several extremely poignant, empowering responses from those who have experienced their own problems and want to share her suffering.

As the season of Lent arrives, Bowler announces that she feels a lot of rage. She decides that, rather giving something up for Lent, she will employ a new habit— she will swear profusely and not stop cursing once Lent comes to an end. She notes that prosperity churches for the most part ignore Good Friday, historically remembered as the day of Jesus’s crucifixion. She relates trips to two churches, a Catholic congregation on Ash Wednesday, and American preacher and televangelist Joel Osteen’s massive prosperity fellowship on Good Friday. These two experiences suggest to her that there is minimizing of the death of Jesus. She notes that the solemnity of the occasion gets lost on the perpetually upbeat prosperity believers.

Bowler introduces readers to her neighbor, Ray, a pediatric oncologist who must share bad news with parents every day. Unlike most of the doctors she encounters, Ray speaks the truth directly. Oddly, she finds this gives hope to her and to her parents. Ray will be the one, she decides, who will watch over her in the hospital in the last hours.

As she completes her first year of treatment, Bowler describes the persistent uncertainty that marks her life. With Toban, she negotiates what sort of plans they can logically make and how much into the future those plans should extend. She negotiates her treatment plan with her Atlanta oncologist, speaking realistically with him about what she can hope for.

Bowler meditates at length over where her focus should be. She has learned to live in the present, though it is necessary to make plans for every eventuality. Above all, she has learned the lesson her friend Frank shared with her soon after her diagnosis: Don’t focus on the end. Instead, focus on what is happening before you today.