The End We Start From

Details about G’s death are sprinkled sparingly throughout Chapter 3 in staccato bursts: “Panic. Crush. G. Panicked. Crushed” (19). The narrator remembers a moment on a train platform when a man knocked her over. She felt awkward and vulnerable while heavily pregnant and remembers how she tried to convince herself that the man’s behavior was accidental. By connecting the circumstances of G’s death to her own experience, she understands how horrifying G’s death must have been.

R and N are unable to cope with the loss and both stop engaging in normal activities. As a result, the narrator feels that she now has three babies to care for and is the only responsible adult in the family. Z has his first smile and first laugh, but R and N cannot engage with the baby. As R and N withdraw, the narrator feels increasingly isolated from the rest of the world and connected to her baby. She finds pleasure, purpose, and fulfillment in nurturing Z.

After three weeks of living in a fog of grief, R begins to feel angry instead of sad, which propels him to support his family by taking more direct action.